Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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