I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
