can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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