its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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