end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
