I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
