I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
