I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Randomize
