The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
