between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
