i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Green mimosas i think yes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
