I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
