Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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