How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
These tits shall not be calmed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
