turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
