i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
