hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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