Say something about gay babies.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
