my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
