Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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