I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
