We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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