if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
