Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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