my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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