I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
