I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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