I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
