My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
