if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
