On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
