I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
