Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
