Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
