Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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