ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
