peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
