fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
