i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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