I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
