U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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