You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
