A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
