i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
