he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
