I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
