after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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