I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
