I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
