Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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